Like many Americans in the new millenium I get my medical and psychological advice from any place other than a professional. Why go to the doctor when you can go to Webmd or just google "why does my ankle make that clicking sound first thing in the morning?" All of this is done in the privacy of your own home and you never have to try to believe a nurse when she tells you "trust me honey, I've seen a million of them". But really how good is this diagnosis? If someone wants to ruin my computer by putting a virus on Facebook, why would they also not want to hack my health? Give me a virus!
I thought of this yesterday while listening to the John Tesh show on the radio. I don't know how old you have to be to admit that you listen to John Tesh, but I just did. John started out talking about germs and public contamination but has moved on to topics more relevant to me. What to say (or not to say) in a job interview, how to talk to your kids and just generally how to interact with others. Yesterday he said that psychologists now believe that body language depicts more accurately what you mean than the actual words that come out of you mouth. He read some statistics that 90% of psychologists now believe....Ya think! Haven't we always known this? How many times have you watched your kids, after almost begging them, try a new food. They take a bite, gag and swallow. You asked them how they liked it and they say "It's good". Do you believe the answer or the body language?
I guess this means that before the new statistics psychologists would say the patient is fine, he told me so himself. This is why I think the advice and common sense knowledge you get from others is often as important as a professional consultation. Yes I treated dry skin with ringworm medication once and made it much worse, but you know what I mean. Sometimes you need a trained eye.
But I say take this common sense approach one step farther and use it in your day to day interaction with others. Sure, you went to Walmart and didn't actually insult anybody, but does this make you a kind person? You wanted to scream at a lady that was more interested in catching up with an old friend and less concerned with the fact that both of their buggies were completely blocking the isle. You didn't say anything.
Kindness by omission, this doesn't count. My daughter cringes when I ask the man in front of me at the checkout how he is going to cook the 14 packs of chicken wings he is placing on the counter. When I ask the lady blocking the isle in one of those motorized shopping carts if she needs something she can't reach. When I touch the lady on the shoulder that is in front of me at the checkout and tell her that I'm going home with her because she is buying a turkey and a ham. Nobody has slugged me yet and I while I have made very few lifelong friends like this, I have been the direct recipent of some really cool smiles. Some day changing smiles.
Let's all try to use a little common sense in our lives and be kind to others. That smile and touch on the shoulder goes alot further than what comes out of your mouth. I know it's true...John Tesh said so.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Social Media
I made a big mistake on Facebook this week. One that I rarely commit and even scold others for making. The "cardinal sin". I made a comment on a political statement. Not a statement...just a comment. My friend din't say much, but his friends ate me alive. Keep it light. Post some pictures and catch up with old friends. It is, after all, social media not political media. I slipped.
One things that happen when the conversation turns to politics is that you learn things about others that you really don't need to know. I don't want to know who you voted for any more than I want to know if you went to the bathroom this morning. There is curtain on the voting booth for a reason. It is there to enable you to keep your political views where they belong. There is no top on it, so it's between you and God, and I really don't think that God wants to talk about politics anyway.
Conversations about politics will almost always turn into an argument. They will do so because reguardless of what you "believe" there is no right or wrong. It is a highly subjective subject with millions of interpretations. What is cut and dried to one is absurd to others. But what is the goal of an argument? What does one want more than anything when they enter an argument? To win! It's human nature. Here is where it gets fuzzy.
How bad do you want to win? Bad enough to say "well at least I'm not ugly"? Bad enough to say "you are a fat bastard"? Bad enough to say "They are treating the president unfairly because he is black"? These are win at all costs statements and they are unfair. Ever think that General McCrystal made these statements about the handling of the war simply because they were his beliefs? Of course you can't do that with the boss and he got what he deserved, but does it have anything to do with his being white and the boss being black? It's possible, but I don't think so.
I was told that this was just another "disrespecting" of the president because he is a black man. Another slight in a long line of others. The first time a general disagreed publicly with the Commander and Chief. Wrong. It has happened before and it will again. We live in a free country and if your skin is not thick, you have no business in politics. You wont see me there because I already know that mine is not thick enough.
America put this man in office. We all did. He is our president. He belongs to an ethnic group that totals no more than 17% of the population of the United States. I'm no math wizard, but 17% wont get you elected for anything. Where did the other votes come from you ask? While I would never dream of telling anyone how I vote, I will tell you that the other votes came from people that look just like me.
I hope he is successful. I hope this job makes him happy. I wish him luck, it's the hardest of jobs. But while you sit at home and feel sorry for how the media and his generals may treat him, think about this. He was elected to the highest position in the United States by a country of 260 million people of every shape,form and color. He made it. No matter how much I agree or disagree with his politics, these are historic times and I'm proud to be a part of them!
One things that happen when the conversation turns to politics is that you learn things about others that you really don't need to know. I don't want to know who you voted for any more than I want to know if you went to the bathroom this morning. There is curtain on the voting booth for a reason. It is there to enable you to keep your political views where they belong. There is no top on it, so it's between you and God, and I really don't think that God wants to talk about politics anyway.
Conversations about politics will almost always turn into an argument. They will do so because reguardless of what you "believe" there is no right or wrong. It is a highly subjective subject with millions of interpretations. What is cut and dried to one is absurd to others. But what is the goal of an argument? What does one want more than anything when they enter an argument? To win! It's human nature. Here is where it gets fuzzy.
How bad do you want to win? Bad enough to say "well at least I'm not ugly"? Bad enough to say "you are a fat bastard"? Bad enough to say "They are treating the president unfairly because he is black"? These are win at all costs statements and they are unfair. Ever think that General McCrystal made these statements about the handling of the war simply because they were his beliefs? Of course you can't do that with the boss and he got what he deserved, but does it have anything to do with his being white and the boss being black? It's possible, but I don't think so.
I was told that this was just another "disrespecting" of the president because he is a black man. Another slight in a long line of others. The first time a general disagreed publicly with the Commander and Chief. Wrong. It has happened before and it will again. We live in a free country and if your skin is not thick, you have no business in politics. You wont see me there because I already know that mine is not thick enough.
America put this man in office. We all did. He is our president. He belongs to an ethnic group that totals no more than 17% of the population of the United States. I'm no math wizard, but 17% wont get you elected for anything. Where did the other votes come from you ask? While I would never dream of telling anyone how I vote, I will tell you that the other votes came from people that look just like me.
I hope he is successful. I hope this job makes him happy. I wish him luck, it's the hardest of jobs. But while you sit at home and feel sorry for how the media and his generals may treat him, think about this. He was elected to the highest position in the United States by a country of 260 million people of every shape,form and color. He made it. No matter how much I agree or disagree with his politics, these are historic times and I'm proud to be a part of them!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Memorial Day
It's Memorial Day weekend and the news channels dedicate a large portion of their programming to stories about people who lost loved ones in military service. Men and women who gave their lives for their country. My country. The "ultimate sacrifice" in places as remote as other planets. All to protect the freedoms we enjoy everyday. How can we thank you enough.
But there is another part of military service that often goes unnoticed. Wars and conflicts make big headlines but day to day military service in itself is hard. Being on call twenty four hours a day seven days a week,often thousands of miles from home. I doctor's schedule without a doctor's pay. A few months in the field or a four month cruise in the Medditerranean. Training on the west coast or sending the ship to dry dock. All of this happens while your loved ones wait for you at home. Babies are born and relatives are buried. Soccer games are played and proms are held. Children grow up.
Sitting with my daughter on the edge of her bed laughing at her mother making a fool of herself on the Wii. It's Friday night yes, but it could be any night. It could be every night. I don't have to listen for the midnight phone call that will send me far away for god knows how long. I turn the air down,pet my dog and get in my own bed.
Thank you men and women of the military. Thank you for protecting this country that I love. I think that the life that you live and the job that you do is in itself, "the ultimate sacrifice".
But there is another part of military service that often goes unnoticed. Wars and conflicts make big headlines but day to day military service in itself is hard. Being on call twenty four hours a day seven days a week,often thousands of miles from home. I doctor's schedule without a doctor's pay. A few months in the field or a four month cruise in the Medditerranean. Training on the west coast or sending the ship to dry dock. All of this happens while your loved ones wait for you at home. Babies are born and relatives are buried. Soccer games are played and proms are held. Children grow up.
Sitting with my daughter on the edge of her bed laughing at her mother making a fool of herself on the Wii. It's Friday night yes, but it could be any night. It could be every night. I don't have to listen for the midnight phone call that will send me far away for god knows how long. I turn the air down,pet my dog and get in my own bed.
Thank you men and women of the military. Thank you for protecting this country that I love. I think that the life that you live and the job that you do is in itself, "the ultimate sacrifice".
Monday, May 24, 2010
unconditional love
My heart goes out to a friend of mine that lost a family member this weekend. There wont be a big service, just a private gathering for immediate family at their home. Nobody will bring a covered dish or send flowers and life will just go on as usual this week. No hugs from aunts and uncles and no jokes from his best friend at work. Though the deceased lived a long and rewarding life, their will not be an obituary in the local paper. There wont be clothes to box up and send to Goodwill because this family member never wore them. He was a dog.
Man's best friend. Human's best friend. A love so pure that that it makes other humans jealous. "You love that damn dog more than you love me!" I've heard it before and I'm sure most other dog lovers have too. But it's different. It is unconditional love. A friend that will listen to you, literally hang on your ever word, even when you make no sense at all. A friend that waits all day for you to come home from work and is glad to see you even when your ass is perched on your shoulders and clearly visible to all. A true friend.
Several of my friends told me years ago, as they watched me dote on my dog, that once I had children I would know what real love was. That I would "put that dog outside and not think twice about it". That didn't happen. I love my daughter more than life itself, but I love my dog too. When she was born it just seemed like my family grew larger. More to love.
As I sit here and write this, I am being watched (with eyes closed) by a true friend of more than ten years. A friend that knows me as well as anyone I've ever known. A friend that misses my daughter, who is away at camp, as much as I do. A friend that knows what time PJ gets off work and worries when she runs late. A friend who's lifetime, when compared to mine, is just a blink of an eye. A flower that grows a beautiful bloom then fades back into the earth, leaving it's mark on us all. A true friend that continues to teach me about unconditional love.
Man's best friend. Human's best friend. A love so pure that that it makes other humans jealous. "You love that damn dog more than you love me!" I've heard it before and I'm sure most other dog lovers have too. But it's different. It is unconditional love. A friend that will listen to you, literally hang on your ever word, even when you make no sense at all. A friend that waits all day for you to come home from work and is glad to see you even when your ass is perched on your shoulders and clearly visible to all. A true friend.
Several of my friends told me years ago, as they watched me dote on my dog, that once I had children I would know what real love was. That I would "put that dog outside and not think twice about it". That didn't happen. I love my daughter more than life itself, but I love my dog too. When she was born it just seemed like my family grew larger. More to love.
As I sit here and write this, I am being watched (with eyes closed) by a true friend of more than ten years. A friend that knows me as well as anyone I've ever known. A friend that misses my daughter, who is away at camp, as much as I do. A friend that knows what time PJ gets off work and worries when she runs late. A friend who's lifetime, when compared to mine, is just a blink of an eye. A flower that grows a beautiful bloom then fades back into the earth, leaving it's mark on us all. A true friend that continues to teach me about unconditional love.
Friday, May 21, 2010
The learning Curve
As Americans we are trained at an early age to dial 911 in case of emergency. Any emergency. If you crack your car up on the highway a police car will show up with lights flashing and siren wailing. He will direct traffic around the accident and, if needed, help load you in the ambulance. If you burn too many leaves in your front yard and fire truck will appear out of nowhere and extinguish the flames. Even if you are dumb enough to attempt to climb a remote snow capped mountain, one cell phone call and a helicopter will pluck you off the slope. We all tend to be a little careless because there is a back up plan. Dial 911.
Tonight, as I watched the media footage of the oil washing ashore in the pristine marshlands of the Gulf of Mexico, I wondered why someone had not dialed 911. Everyone seemed to be just riding around the spill and talking about how bad it was going to be, or laying out a plastic dam to hold it back. No fire trucks, no flashing lights, no sirens. This looks like an emergency to me! Then it occured to me that there is no back up plan. It is not that we aren't trying, it's that we have no idea what to do. Never thought this would happen?
It reminds me of those shows that I flip past when nothing good is on television. "America's dumbest criminals, kids, sports fans, etc..". You watch them and laugh at just how stupid some people can be. "They must be drunk to do that". It's hilarious! "What was he thinking?" You are witnessing the learning curve.
Why do we carry a gas can in the trunk of the car? Why is there a jack and a spare tire there too? That credit card in the back of your wallet that you never use? It's called "just in case". Well we have arrived at "just in case" and there is no 911 to call. When will we learn?
Tonight, as I watched the media footage of the oil washing ashore in the pristine marshlands of the Gulf of Mexico, I wondered why someone had not dialed 911. Everyone seemed to be just riding around the spill and talking about how bad it was going to be, or laying out a plastic dam to hold it back. No fire trucks, no flashing lights, no sirens. This looks like an emergency to me! Then it occured to me that there is no back up plan. It is not that we aren't trying, it's that we have no idea what to do. Never thought this would happen?
It reminds me of those shows that I flip past when nothing good is on television. "America's dumbest criminals, kids, sports fans, etc..". You watch them and laugh at just how stupid some people can be. "They must be drunk to do that". It's hilarious! "What was he thinking?" You are witnessing the learning curve.
Why do we carry a gas can in the trunk of the car? Why is there a jack and a spare tire there too? That credit card in the back of your wallet that you never use? It's called "just in case". Well we have arrived at "just in case" and there is no 911 to call. When will we learn?
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
school days
The last couple of months I've been helping with the planning of my high school reunion. We've had two meetings already and I've seen some people I haven't seen in quite awhile. Thirty years to be exact. I have been out of high school for longer than many of my friends have been alive. A lifetime. Several of my classmates talk about their retirement dates at these meetings. It's weird,I don't see my retirement anytime soon and I'm not nearly old enough.
I felt lucky this morning to be the one to get to wake my daughter up and say "two more days of school". The look on her face says it all and she gets right up. No groaning and hugging the pillow as she rolls over. She eats breakfast and is ready to head out even before I am. I wish we could bottle this to use on those Tuesday mornings in January when the light at the end of the tunnel is so dim you need a flashlight at breakfast. But it's in the air!
Traffic on the way to school is extra heavy. The line of cars extends from the school drive out into the road. Children that typically ride the bus are being delivered in mom's car. Parents are either running late or just driving the kids to school themselves to be part of the excitement. The kids get out of the cars laughing and almost run in the building. The teachers that usually direct traffic out front are propped against the railing and... smiling? Two more days.
It's kind of like Christmas. No matter how old you are you still feel it. The grocery stores have popsicles on their rail ends. The bread men don't even bother to put the hamburger and hot dog buns on the shelf, they leave carts of them out in the isle. Colorful bags of charcoal and lighter fluid at every corner. Summertime! I don't know how long you have to be out of school to not feel this excitement, but I do know that it is more than thirty years!
I felt lucky this morning to be the one to get to wake my daughter up and say "two more days of school". The look on her face says it all and she gets right up. No groaning and hugging the pillow as she rolls over. She eats breakfast and is ready to head out even before I am. I wish we could bottle this to use on those Tuesday mornings in January when the light at the end of the tunnel is so dim you need a flashlight at breakfast. But it's in the air!
Traffic on the way to school is extra heavy. The line of cars extends from the school drive out into the road. Children that typically ride the bus are being delivered in mom's car. Parents are either running late or just driving the kids to school themselves to be part of the excitement. The kids get out of the cars laughing and almost run in the building. The teachers that usually direct traffic out front are propped against the railing and... smiling? Two more days.
It's kind of like Christmas. No matter how old you are you still feel it. The grocery stores have popsicles on their rail ends. The bread men don't even bother to put the hamburger and hot dog buns on the shelf, they leave carts of them out in the isle. Colorful bags of charcoal and lighter fluid at every corner. Summertime! I don't know how long you have to be out of school to not feel this excitement, but I do know that it is more than thirty years!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
11 killed
I finished eating dinner early last night so I could tune into the national news to get the latest update on the oil spill in the gulf. Everyday the oil inches closer to some pristine marsh land and beautiful beaches and continues to flow from the uncapped well. Several failed attempts to capture the escaping crude have made headlines and caused involved parties to start a "passing the buck contest". This could potentially be the worst spill we have had in the United States, ever. Once eleven million and one gallon escapes we are there.
But last night, as I listened to the sensational lead in by the news anchor, I heard something that I don't think I've heard before. Sure, they say it every time, but I only heard it yesterday. Eleven hard working people were killed in the fire and ensuing explosions when the oil rig collapsed. Eleven people who's only crime was being at work when disaster struck. Eleven individuals that will be only a footnote in the wake of the natural disaster that follows.
This reminds me of a quote from a Tim Wilson song, "don't blame your paulbearers if they don't show, if your buried in the middle of the Superbowl". Lost in the confusion. We have become so accustomed to footage of large disasters with large body counts that eleven seems like a near miss. The "compound interest" of eleven deaths is huge. Mothers,fathers,children,grandchildren, spouses, you do the math.
I can only hope that we learn some valuable lesson from this spill. I think we have already learned that $500,000 for a cap that can close the well from the surface is cheap. Our need for oil is not going to go away, and we have to figure out how to harvest it safely. I'm not an engineer and I don't pretend to know the answers, but today I want to pray for the families that lost their loved ones in this disaster.
But last night, as I listened to the sensational lead in by the news anchor, I heard something that I don't think I've heard before. Sure, they say it every time, but I only heard it yesterday. Eleven hard working people were killed in the fire and ensuing explosions when the oil rig collapsed. Eleven people who's only crime was being at work when disaster struck. Eleven individuals that will be only a footnote in the wake of the natural disaster that follows.
This reminds me of a quote from a Tim Wilson song, "don't blame your paulbearers if they don't show, if your buried in the middle of the Superbowl". Lost in the confusion. We have become so accustomed to footage of large disasters with large body counts that eleven seems like a near miss. The "compound interest" of eleven deaths is huge. Mothers,fathers,children,grandchildren, spouses, you do the math.
I can only hope that we learn some valuable lesson from this spill. I think we have already learned that $500,000 for a cap that can close the well from the surface is cheap. Our need for oil is not going to go away, and we have to figure out how to harvest it safely. I'm not an engineer and I don't pretend to know the answers, but today I want to pray for the families that lost their loved ones in this disaster.
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