Bigfoot

Last weekend my daughter went to the theater to see a horror movie. I don’t remember the name of the movie because we really don’t keep up with that kind at my house, but I saw the preview and it looked scary. We do watch a load of movies, but never horror movies. They don’t scare me or my wife, but my daughter doesn’t care for them at all. She even changes the channel when there is a Chupracabra episode on Scooby Doo! I know she went to the theater only because her friends invited her, but I feel sure she knew the exact thread count of her shoe strings by the movie’s end. Her eye lids were probably sore from being squeezed shut!

She comes by this trait honestly though. Her uncles on both sides of the family did not enjoy scary movies as kids and several have carried this disdain all the way through adulthood. My little brother kept some of these fears until his dying day! Did I pick on him about this? What do you think? Ask my daughter how many times she has aborted her trip to the basement simply because I suggested she watch for Chupacabras! But it wasn’t Chupacabras with my brother, it was Bigfoot!

If anyone was to blame for his fear of this fictional beast it would have be my parents. Sorry mama and daddy, I’m sure I’ve done worse as a parent. They took us to see The Legend Of Boggy Creek at the theater when we were very small boys. Small boys that had recently moved from downtown Milledgeville to live in a mobile home in the middle of 300 acres of dark and mysterious woods. Otherwise known as Bigfoot country!

I guess my older brother and I were old enough to not take the movie too seriously. I remember it scaring us both a little bit, but we both so obsessed with hunting at the time that we really never missed a beat. We probably thought it we encountered this monster we would simply shoot it. Hell, they would probably put our picture in the paper! But it took root in my little brother’s mind and he would go nowhere near the woods alone; even mentioning the word Bigfoot would earn you a stiff slug in the shoulder. All he would say is “That’s not funny”.

Well Bigfoot was a hot topic back in those days, but as the years went by he kind of faded. He is a pretty low-tech monster and they fact that nobody has ever produced an actual body has kind of hurt his credibility. But I found out by accident that my little brother was as scared of him at 30 years old as he had been at 8. I don’t remember when it was exactly, but I do remember someone mentioning Bigfoot at the hunting club one night as we sat around the campfire drinking beer. They were promptly met with “That’s not funny” and given the look to drop the subject. I know he was trying his best to be discreet; the last thing he wanted was for his buddies to know that he was still afraid of Bigfoot! Well, we all know how that works.

Ok I admit I saved up for this one! I waited for quite a while before I brought it back up and I honestly wasn’t sure he even knew that I knew just how bad it bothered him. It was a similar night at the hunting club; pitch black dark with only a roaring campfire for comfort and security. One by one each member recounted his day of hunting. They began with talk of tracks and sightings and ended with possibilities for the following day. Beers were passed around and jokes were told before I was questioned about my day’s adventure. “Did you see anything?” my brother asked me, “You sure are quiet about your day”. Trap set and about to be sprung!

“I didn’t see any deer” I offered “But I did see a strange track. I may move my stand away from it tomorrow”. He swam right up to the hook at this point and opened his mouth. My brother was a much better hunter than me and I knew he would love to solve my problem for me. “What did it look like?” he asked as he leaned forward with a serious look on his face. “Deer? Dog?”

“It was about as big as a shoebox” I said as I help my arms in front of me in the fish measuring position. “And it was shaped kind of like a big human but it only had four toes. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like this one”.

He looked like I had snatched the rug right out from under him. His eyes searched the crowd to see just exactly who else was paying attention to the conversation and he didn’t (couldn’t) say a word.

“I might even take my camera with me tomorrow”, I couldn’t stop “I don’t want to shoot him, even though I feel sure there is more than one.” At this point pretty much everybody around the fire was listening, and of course, smiling. I couldn’t hold my straight face any longer and I joined the crowd. I knew he was getting mad, but I just couldn’t stop. “I saw some traps you can order online. The ad says they are good for Bigfoots if you need to get rid of some on your property”. Now everybody was laughing!

My brother gave me his most serious look and all he said was “That’s not funny”.

Sorry buddy! I'd love to laugh about it with you right now. But do me a favor, if you have since discovered that there really are such things as Bigfoot could you give me some kind of sign?