A Young Man

Eleven years ago my little brother died suddenly. I’ve talked about this publicly for years, and I feel sure that even those who don’t know me very well probably at least know this much about me. About me. I understand that this seems strange to say that his death is something you would know about me, but he’s been gone for years and I’m still here. It’s now something to know about me.

I admit it felt weird when well-wishers said how terrible it was that he died so young. He was thirty eight and I was forty; that’s not young. I have many friends that were grandparents at forty! But as I sit here writing this…eleven years later…I understand that we were both very young. I still am.

I’m too young to have seen my daughter graduate from high school. I’m too young to have had grandchildren. I haven’t had the time to do everything I want to do. I am thankful for all I have already done and seen, but I can only wonder how young I will realize I was eleven years from today.

I always felt that my brother was fortunate to have died suddenly. No extended illness; no months or years of suffering, but really don’t we all die suddenly? No matter how long it drags out, we are here one minute and gone the next. That sounds pretty instantaneous to me! I’m left to wonder if maybe a ‘slower’ death just gives us time to go over a few things. I don’t really believe that all bases would have been covered, but I can think of a few that I wish I had at least attempted.

So today I will understand that I am a young man. Technically I will be older when you read this as I was when I wrote it, but I will still be young man. There is still much to do, and if I haven’t told you lately that I love you, I’m doing so now. I know that I forget to say it sometimes, but I choose to write this off…I am young and inexperienced! I will try harder.