Dreams

For most of my life I have encountered vivid dreams. I started to say enjoyed vivid dreams, but this is not always the case. Even as a child I would recount the episodes to my parents in great detail, hoping they could help me make sense of them. Looking back I probably should have kept some of these to myself, but we learn as we go along. At least they didn't have me committed. I always thought everyone dreamed (and remembered them) just like me. I assumed they just wanted to keep them to themselves, because explaining something that makes no sense to you will surely confuse the hell out of someone else. I looked for books to explain dreams and when the internet came along I scoured it as well. Most information was the same. Symbols they said. "If you see a warthog in your dreams it means you need a change in your life." Now that makes complete sense! I'd love to meet the research team that came up with that one. The flaw in this theory is...what if I had a warthog farm? It would certainly mean something different to me then. Anyway, I have always been on the hunt for some answers. I read a book a few years back that my daughter insisted I buy. She was home from school for a week because she had just been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. We were at the book store looking for something to occupy her time (and daddy's mind) when she pointed it out to me. "Buy this book", she told me. "You like her." I looked at the cover, read a few pages and put it back on the shelf. To say it didn't grab me is an understatement. I sold my warthog farm a long time ago. We finished shopping and when she put her books on the counter she looked at me and asked me where my book was. I mumbled a few words about the price and how busy I was and warthogs and... I was really just hanging on. I really just wanted to sit on the edge of my bed and feel sorry for her and myself and the whole diabetes thing, but she didn't. She walked back over to the shelf, grabbed the "Book of Dreams" and placed it on the counter. "You should read this" was all she said as we left the store. That was three years ago now. I think of the lifetime struggle she will have with diabetes, but I have found a way to deal with it. I think she has too. Giving up is never the answer. The book she insisted I buy forever changed my way of looking at dreams and to some extent, my life. It took away the symbolism and encouraged me to give the dream a "type" before I spent much time analyzing it. Could be junk or it could be important. Solving for X, reading between the lines. Mainly it taught me to not be afraid. I admit it still shocks me when I have a dream like I did the other night. I was dressed in Civil War uniform watching a group of African Americans dance in a high school gym. The dream was pretty long and confusing, but that was the gist of it. When I turned on my computer the next morning the first thing I saw was an article about the 150th anniversary of the Civil War. I almost showered the computer with coffee! But these types of dreams are the exception. Yes, I think we visit other people and places in our dreams, but I also think we visit ideas. If the warthog himself tells me to sell the farm and change your life it makes more sense. I don't dream about my late brother as much as I used to, but when I do I pay special attention. He was my voice of reason when he was alive and he still is eight years later. I can't pick up the phone and give him a call, but he somehow continues shows up when I need him the most. I think of that day in the book store often. I don't pretend to understand the "whys" or "hows" of all that has happened, but I am thankful. Thankful that it is Monday and that I didn't do or say what I was so sure of on Friday. Thankful that certain people are in my life in any capacity. Grateful that I have learned new ways to pay attention. Oh, if you know anybody looking for a good deal on a warthog farm give me a call. I'm changing my life.