Grandma

It was early Thursday morning and I was already busy running around town. I was trying to tie up a few lose ends with my business so I could go to Atlanta for a few days and visit my grandmother. She was not doing well and my mother was staying there now almost full time. If I could get a couple more things done I could leave by early afternoon, beat rush hour traffic and maybe even help with supper. I was almost to a customer's house near the lake when my cell phone rang. My phone was one of those big bag types, and since I really just used sixty monthly minutes in case of emergencies, I suspected the ringing was bad news.

"What time are you leaving to come this way?" My mother's strained voice asked. "I mean are you still coming?"

I told her that I was still planning to come and began to go over the things I had to get done first. My obligations.

"You had better come now." She cut in. "She's expecting you and I don't think she can wait that long."

"I'm on my way." Was the only answer I could manage to squeeze out.

I loved my maternal grandmother and grandfather. Grandma and Grannie. Yes, Grannie was a man and this part is something I will have to go into at a later date when I have more time. We lived 100 miles from each other most of my life and while I only saw them a few times each year, I looked forward to the visits. They didn't spoil us, they were just easy to be around. Grannie was a big jokester and Grandma was the perfect straight man. After I married, my wife and I would go to their home the day before the family Thanksgiving so we could have a little private time with them and not have to share with the crowd. She looked as forward to it as I did, and it became a tradition for all four of us.

I tried hard to concentrate on the road as I made my way to the big city. I hadn't asked mama what "I don't think she can wait that long" really meant, but I knew. Grandma was 88 years old and had always seemed healthy to me, but the years after Grannie died had not been good ones. I tried to visit more, but the physics of 100 miles was tough. When I did visit she would tell me that she didn't want to live without my grandfather. "Time was not making it better." She would tell me as if I had the answer. "What am I going to do." Hoping I had the answer. I remember not knowing what to say. I missed him too, but I knew it wasn't the same. Trying to console a woman that had changed my diaper and taught me to eat solid food. I knew we would not talk about this today, but I hoped we would.

She waited for me. I jumped out of the car, walked in the house, and as I hugged my mother I looked around the room for grandma. Thinking she would be washing dishes at the sink. Wishing she was.

"She's in her bed." Mama said. "I just talked to her and she's expecting you."

A nod was all I could summon and I hugged the others as I built my courage to walk down the hall to her bedroom. My aunt walked beside me with her arm over my shoulder. She's been great I thought as we went to her bedside, she's been here full time for a few years and now she's taking care of me too. I hope I'm made of the same material.

"Hey Grandma." I said as I leaned over her bed and took her hand in mine. "How are you doing?"

The words sounded really stupid as they left my lips, but I was doing good to make a whole sentence. It hadn't been that long since my last visit, but she looked much different. Smaller. Older. Frail. But when she opened her eyes and looked at me, there she was. Grandma. A big smile came over her and she whispered,

"I knew you'd come, I've been waiting on you."

I squeezed her hand and told her I was hurrying and I loved her and I'd be there for a few days and everything I could think of all at once. I was babbling and she was smiling. She had waited for me.

She closed her eyes and went back to sleep, those would be her final words. We sat on the edge of the bed for a while and just looked at her. Four generations. Mothers and sons, daughters and cousins, grandmothers and great grandchildren. Together to say goodbye to one of our own. To hold her hand as she finds the answer to the question that I could not answer for her. Now you know what to do.

It was a hard good bye for all of us. It requires energy to die. This force that is us has a hard time letting go, and while it is hard to watch, it is important to be there. I almost missed it. She was a wonderful woman I miss everyday. A woman that was lucky enough to be born at home and die at home. A rarity in our modern society. Surrounded by loved ones preparing you for the next step. Arming you for your next battle. Blanketing you with love. Watching as you find the answers.