We have a pretty typical routine at
my house during the week. My wife is usually up before the alarm clock sounds, but I hang on and
squeeze out the last few minutes of off and on sleep. After I grudgingly make
it to vertical I grab a cup of coffee and turn the television on to catch the
weather. Our daughter has been my morning job since she was old enough to go to
school, probably because I’m just a more efficient morning person. Don’t
confuse this with a ray of sunshine; I’m just better at doing the most mundane
of tasks predictably.
The three of us don’t have a lot of
meaningful conversation at this time of day; we just make small talk and comment
on the news and weather. My wife is the least regimented of the three of us, but she will usually
show up in front of the television for the daily segment of leadership advice offered
by a local psychologist. Honestly I kind of halfway listen; not because I don’t
like him, (he seems like a very smart man) it’s more that I really don’t appreciate
generic psychological advice. Before I go any further let me say that I am
probably a prime candidate for some therapy I just don’t see the value in the
summary version…and I think it can be harmful.
This morning I did listen. It was probably because the doctor
kind of struck a nerve with me and where I am with my career path; undecided
for sure, unhappy…maybe. What he basically said this morning was that if you
were not in love with your job you would never be more than marginally
successful at it. If someone didn’t tear you away from this job at the end of
the day you would work until you dropped! How many of us would pass this test?
To take his advice I would have to sit at home and read all day (for big bucks
of course) with my wife and daughter happily doing their favorite tasks at my
side. Ok, I know this is not exactly what he meant, but this highlights the
problem I have with “the shotgun approach”
to counseling.
We have all fallen in to the trap of
needing everything in our lives to be perfect. Gone are the days of fixing things that
are in need of repair, these things are now replaced; upgraded. We take the
aforementioned career counseling and apply it to all other facets of our lives.
Am I ecstatically happy with my marriage every day? Of course I’m not, but it
doesn’t cross my mind to look for a newer and better one. It makes me want to
work harder on the one that I have so much time invested in. If there is a
problem I want to first rule out it being my lack of effort.
I’m sure that some will read this and
think that what I suggest is simply to settle for what you have; make the best
of it and ride it out. Well I don’t think you should stay in an abusive relationship (home or
job) and I think that the pursuit of happiness is probably the most important
human function. But I also think you should look at your both your domestic and
work life as a work in progress. Be sure that you don’t give up before you have
given your best try. As Morgan Freeman said in Bruce Almighty “Some of the happiest people in the world
come home in the evening smelling to high heaven”. So what if my favorite job
is one that allows me to run out and make a little money then come home in the
evening and give my family my undivided attention? Sounds good to me, but I
think I just failed the test given by the TV psychologist!
There is much more that I would like
to say about our “throw away” mentality, but I’ve gone on way to long with this
one. I’ll pause here
and say don’t get bogged down or defeated by generic counseling. If you must, I
would recommend the E-Cards that I see on Facebook; if you’re going to learn
some hard lessons why not at least laugh while you’re doing so!
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