Food, shelter and love

It’s been almost three weeks now since we adopted our new dog from Animal Rescue Foundation. I know that she is still settling in and getting used to us after living most of her previous life at ARF, but I think we have come a long way in such a short time. I don’t mean to suggest that we are finished with the learning curve, but I would like to highlight a few things that we’ve already learned. I should mention that when I say learning, I mean both the dog and the family.

My wife and I have never been without a dog in our 25 years of living together. The six months we spent after our last dog died was a record for us. We wanted another immediately, but told ourselves we would just kind of circle in a holding pattern until something dropped in our lap. For me it seemed like something I was doing out of respect for my deceased friend; the quicker I replaced him, the more replaceable it would make him appear. This highlights my first lesson: Every dog is different; the new one will not step in and “be” the old one and you should not expect him to be. I think in the long run you will love him more for his differences anyway.

The second lesson we learned is one that I know tests the limits of most everyone’s patience, using the bathroom in the house. The first few days were flawless; no accidents at all! But after a week or so we noticed that her stomach was rumbling and she had no predictable pattern of using the bathroom. I realize now that she was holding everything in and only going when she couldn’t hold it any longer. She was both nervous and trying to please us at the same time. Nobody that expects a second date excuses themselves to go take a crap in the middle of the first date! By giving her a too much freedom and responsibility we were setting her up to fail! Sit and stay are common commands, mind reading is not. When they begin to feel comfortable and secure you can branch out from there; consistency is the true spice of life.

As she has become more comfortable with us we have allowed her more freedom. We kept her on a leash constantly for the first couple of weeks, but have now started to let her play fetch and run around the yard freely when we are all outside. We live on a dead end street where the traffic is light and she has done a good job of not straying too far. But this week when I let her explore the woods behind the house she gave me a big surprise. She located a large pile of deer droppings and in less than two seconds coated her neck and back with the most disgusting smell one can imagine. Of course I patted myself on the shoulder for getting a white dog (shows dirt easily) while I was hosing her down in the backyard, but this brings up another point: expect them to be 100% dog! My old dog would never have done this, but he also had 11+ years of practice knowing what I expected of him.

I’m sure the lesson pile will continue to grow and I plan to remember as many as I can. Sharing my home with a creature that reasons in such a basic fashion is a lesson in itself; A lesson that I often forget.  We all want good jobs, nice cars and the trappings of a good life, but without the basic wants of a dog, food, shelter and love, none of this other stuff would do us a bit of good!

I know my rights

How many times have you walked in to a conversation and had no idea what the participants were talking about? It often starts innocently enough, but ends up making you feel like a moron. You hear friends talking about buying a new laptop, and since you recently bought one too, you decide to mention a few features of your new prized possession. The friend smiles and says “If I was spending that kind of money I would have bought an XQ37 space modulator. It has triple ported RSS feed and a user friendly interface that renders the 35 and 36 models useless. I disabled the RAM slots and added a…” Really; that is so cool but I think my ride is leaving me.

I’m not knocking anybody for what they know. I have my splinter skills and I love technical talk about them as much as the next guy, I just hate it when I wade into water that is deeper than I originally thought.  The older I get the better I am at not letting this get under my skin, and really it makes me want to know a little more about the things that are “above my pay grade”. So…I would have to say that this is good for me! But what about getting stumped by things that you think you know or things that you should know!

I thought of this last week after I had taken (and failed) an online test about American government. Some of the questions were about government history, but many were basic questions about The Constitution and its Amendments; basic rights and freedoms that we live (and enjoy) every day. I’m from a rural area so I know what the 2^nd Amendment is, and I’ve watched enough cop shows to understand “taking the 5^th”, but beyond that what do I really know about the Constitution and inner workings of my government! The answer is not as much as I thought! (Don’t tell my wife I said this) Not as much as I thought, yet I brag on my rights and compare them to other countries regularly. Off the top of your head, what is the very first amendment? Taking the 5th?

Think about the last time you were buying a car. I’m sure you looked online and read up on all the details you could find about the choices available. You sought the advice of friends and family and tried to make sure you made the most informed decision possible…right? You did this so a salesman just looking to make a sale couldn’t take advantage of you. You wanted to be sure you knew your options and your rights; you wanted to appear as though you knew what you were talking about! Well, maybe we should all apply this car buying example to the country we know and love! Knowledge is power.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_amendments_to_the_United_States_Constitution

I think we'll make it

I was involved in a conversation yesterday that reminded me of a book I read a few months back. I would have trouble going into great detail about the plot or story line because I’ve read another twenty five or so since then, but the part I was reminded of yesterday was a very small and unimportant section anyway. Below is the condensed version, see what you think.

The book was about a young couple with two little boys that had moved from a small town in the Northeast to the big city of Boston Massachusetts. They were in the process of having a home built in a suburban area, but were temporarily living in an apartment in the heart of the city. They had arrived right around Christmastime and enjoyed the holiday with friends and family already living in the area, but were anxious for their new home to be completed. The New Year holiday would soon follow, but since no family celebrations were planned the couple decided to spend it at their temporary apartment in the city.

This was a big new year; the beginning of a new century; the future. There were many rumors floating around based on some ancient prophecies about the world coming to an end on this date so many families decided to stay home, and most made no plans at all. Being so new to the large city with its crime, varied religions and large population of foreigners, the couple decided to stay home and not risk a public New Year’s celebration. They were told many parts of the city had lately become very dangerous and that the criminal element would be “out and about” on this popular holiday. They were beginning to wonder what they had gotten themselves in to by moving to this large and modern city.

Well they made it through the night exhausted but unscathed. From their 14^th floor apartment they had heard revelers celebrate the New Year until the wee hours of the morning. Fireworks, gunshots, breaking glass, police whistles and even an occasional scream made sleep nearly impossible, but daylight brought forth quiet and empty streets; no damage beyond broken liquor bottles and scattered trash. As scary as the night had been, at least the predictions of Armageddon had not come to pass; but what a horrible city filled with such an intoxicated and nasty bunch! What had the world come to?

The husband decided to help his wife prepare breakfast for the boys; maybe this would start the day off under a better light. Judging by the look on her face he was beginning to think that she was no longer fond of his decision to move to the city and he silently kicked himself for not planning the move until after the holidays had passed. They would be alright he thought, but what about their two young and impressionable boys? Growing up in such a mean and modern world how could he have any hope that they would turn out to be as polite and well-mannered as children from his generation were expected to be? Well it was too late for those thoughts now, they had come this far and the husband was determined to make it work! He turned off the stove, dropped to one knee and grasped his nervous wife’s hand. “We’re going to make this work honey” the husband pleaded “I promise to always take care of you and the boys…oh, and Happy New Year! Can you believe it’s actually 1900?

When you have decided that the world is “going to hell in a hand basket” just remember that that basket has been around for a very long time! They made it in the mean world way back then…I think we’ll make it too!

Skeletons

I’ve taken more than a few lumps over the years for my choice of morning radio programming, but I guess I’ve entered the “rather hear people talking than singing” phase of my life. The morning program that I prefer is a Macon AM station that mainly discusses everything going on in the area, but they often branch out in to national politics as well. Why would I want to listen to gripes from a town 30 miles (and 50,000 people) away? Because it seems like everything that happens in larger cities eventually trickles down to my little town; maybe I’m just looking ahead!

This morning, after failing to get a rise out of anyone about the spending by the new school superintendent, the two hosts ended up discussing presidential choices with a local listener. She stated that she was still on the fence with the remaining choices and that her preferred candidate had already dropped out of the race. She said that he quit the race because of the quantity (and severity) of the “skeletons in his closet”. I hear this phrase used daily, but this morning it struck me as odd. I know this phrase is used to suggest something we have hidden; something that we don’t want others to see, but that we ourselves look at most every day. A skeleton in the closet is a secret.

But what is a skeleton really? A skeleton is the basic framework that each of us cannot live without. It is a complex network of shoring that separates us from simpler creatures. No two are exactly alike, and it gives us our personal identity. A skeleton is one of those things that you understand that everyone has even though it is not clearly visible; you have a skeleton, this is a given. It can only be viewed by others in two ways: with expensive x-ray equipment or when it is broken and pierces the skin…it comes out of the closet. Of course it’s visible in its entirety when you are dead, but at that point it is of no use to you.

So I say what a choice of words! To understand that in each of us there is this framework hidden just under the surface that is the true definition of who were are is a revelation. There will always be more to others than what meets the naked eye and how bad (or good) it will appear depends entirely on the moment it is parceled out. To be discovered something has to first be hidden. I don’t suggest that you should run to Walmart and confess to the shoppers in the produce isle that you smoked pot in college, but I do think that we could all be a little more open; a little more forgiving. Maybe we should all clean out the closet a little before the contents spill out and hurt someone!

Generic Psychology

We have a pretty typical routine at my house during the week. My wife is usually up before the alarm clock sounds, but I hang on and squeeze out the last few minutes of off and on sleep. After I grudgingly make it to vertical I grab a cup of coffee and turn the television on to catch the weather. Our daughter has been my morning job since she was old enough to go to school, probably because I’m just a more efficient morning person. Don’t confuse this with a ray of sunshine; I’m just better at doing the most mundane of tasks predictably.

The three of us don’t have a lot of meaningful conversation at this time of day; we just make small talk and comment on the news and weather. My wife is the least regimented of the three of us, but she will usually show up in front of the television for the daily segment of leadership advice offered by a local psychologist. Honestly I kind of halfway listen; not because I don’t like him, (he seems like a very smart man) it’s more that I really don’t appreciate generic psychological advice. Before I go any further let me say that I am probably a prime candidate for some therapy I just don’t see the value in the summary version…and I think it can be harmful.

This morning I did listen. It was probably because the doctor kind of struck a nerve with me and where I am with my career path; undecided for sure, unhappy…maybe. What he basically said this morning was that if you were not in love with your job you would never be more than marginally successful at it. If someone didn’t tear you away from this job at the end of the day you would work until you dropped! How many of us would pass this test? To take his advice I would have to sit at home and read all day (for big bucks of course) with my wife and daughter happily doing their favorite tasks at my side. Ok, I know this is not exactly what he meant, but this highlights the problem I have with “the shotgun approach” to counseling.

We have all fallen in to the trap of needing everything in our lives to be perfect. Gone are the days of fixing things that are in need of repair, these things are now replaced; upgraded. We take the aforementioned career counseling and apply it to all other facets of our lives. Am I ecstatically happy with my marriage every day? Of course I’m not, but it doesn’t cross my mind to look for a newer and better one. It makes me want to work harder on the one that I have so much time invested in. If there is a problem I want to first rule out it being my lack of effort.

I’m sure that some will read this and think that what I suggest is simply to settle for what you have; make the best of it and ride it out. Well I don’t think you should stay in an abusive relationship (home or job) and I think that the pursuit of happiness is probably the most important human function. But I also think you should look at your both your domestic and work life as a work in progress. Be sure that you don’t give up before you have given your best try. As Morgan Freeman said in Bruce Almighty “Some of the happiest people in the world come home in the evening smelling to high heaven”. So what if my favorite job is one that allows me to run out and make a little money then come home in the evening and give my family my undivided attention? Sounds good to me, but I think I just failed the test given by the TV psychologist!

There is much more that I would like to say about our “throw away” mentality, but I’ve gone on way to long with this one. I’ll pause here and say don’t get bogged down or defeated by generic counseling. If you must, I would recommend the E-Cards that I see on Facebook; if you’re going to learn some hard lessons why not at least laugh while you’re doing so!

Sunshine

I’ve had more than a few pets in my long life and sometimes I have to dig deep to remember each of them. It’s not that I loved any of them any less than others; it’s more that when I get a new one he seems like the greatest one ever. I’ve had ponies, cats and even an alligator as a pet; I loved them all (with the exception of the alligator), but I have to declare that I’m a dog man. I would say that dogs seem to have fewer ulterior motives, but that is probably not true. It’s probably more that the head games they play are easier for me to understand; I never said I was real smart.

Some of the animals I’ve loved the most have come to me in the strangest of ways. We once drove to Warner Robins to get a bulldog puppy that was either $35 or free, it depended on which newspaper add you were answering (we chose the free one). We adopted several animals that were put out by the dirt road that fronted our old home and we’ve chosen a puppy (or two) from a litter produced by one of our  own (we don't do this anymore) dogs. But last weekend was the first time we have gotten one from Animal Rescue.

I have volunteered there in the past for fund raising events, but this was the first time I’ve ever just went inside and “viewed the inventory”. I don’t mean this to sound callous, but it is an overwhelming feeling to walk by each cage and look in the eyes of living creatures that really only want one thing…you to pick them. It’s a lot like watching kids trying to be picked by the teacher for a special privilege. Even the playground bully straightens his collar and plasters the same smile on his face that will melt his mother’s heart when he needs to. How do you choose?  You can’t choose them all.

We made several rounds through the kennel area and scratched every nose that poked through the wire. Every size, color and hair length a dog can possess was represented, and honestly it was getting hard not to get choked up; I was overwhelmed. To pick one meant that I would have to exclude the others; part of me wanted to make my typical daddy excuses and just go home. But before I could leave I realized that I had been standing in the same spot for quite some time scratching the same dog. I looked at this little white creature, and without opening my mouth, asked her if she wanted to go home with me. She said that she did and I told her we would be back for her later. After we went to Lowes... purchased a kennel and dog-proofed our home…in the next few days…let me check with my family. No, we’ll be back.

Luckily she was my daughter’s first choice as well, and after promising the attendant we would be back Monday or Tuesday, we excitedly headed home to eat lunch. Our old dog was pretty low maintenance so we needed quite a few things for the new one; we wanted to start everything off just right. But in the middle of the planning I thought of the little white dog and the promise we shared. Did she really believe that we would come back for her? She was the longest resident of ARF in attendance that day (we found this out later) and I’m sure she’d had her hopes dashed before. “Go get her now” I told my wife and daughter “I’ll go to Lowes”. Welcome to your new home Sunshine!

The half day plan

I get the feeling sometimes that others have the impression of me as being a terminally happy person. I had to pause a few seconds after writing this…I can’t write and laugh at the same time. I do rant some here about the media and how I see us as being led around by the nose, but I don’t write much about things I don’t like. Well, let me just say that 1) there are tons of things I don’t like and 2) I write about them all the time…I just don’t publish them. Sometimes I read the posts to my wife and daughter, but most of the time I just keep it to myself. I guess I just fail to see what good can come out of my telling the world about something that drives me nuts!

When you start talking about things that you hate friends will come out of the woodwork to participate in a communal bashing. I can’t speak for others, but this only winds me up. It creates a mob mentality and makes me do and say things that I often later regret. There are some things you just don’t need to give a name. But one thing I have discovered is that when I come back a few weeks (or even days) later and read something I wrote about one of the worst days of my life, it will seem almost trivial; unimportant in the scheme of my big picture. Now aren’t you glad you didn’t say what was really on your mind?

When I sold real estate every day I had a little trouble learning to control my anger. Every salesperson has to learn early on that there is a certain group out there that thinks they can abuse you simply because they are making you money. They want to be sure that you “earn” your paycheck and the easiest way to accomplish this is by being difficult. I developed my own system for letting problems roll off my back, but it was a system that I had to think about every day. I called it the half-day plan. If a problem arose in the morning I would not try to solve it until at least after lunch or later in the day. If something went bad in the afternoon I let it ride until the next day. I thought about the problem, I just didn’t act on it.

To some this may seem like I wasn’t trying; I wasn’t “taking the bull by the horns”. But what I learned is that a large percentage of the end-of-the-world dilemmas would solve themselves in spite of me! Often my actions only made things worse and I ended up like a teenager texting…”hey”…”hey”…”what’s up?”…”nothing, you?”…”nothing”…”cool”. Just and endless volley back and forth that accomplished nothing and wound me up! I’m not saying to not dial 911 when your heart is doing flips, I’m just saying let some things solve themselves. The better you become at not sweating the small stuff the larger this category will become.