Ambiguity

I try as hard as I can to avoid discussing politics on any type of social media. I admit that I love to discuss it, but when you write down a political opinion, and leave it dangling like a fat worm on a hook, you set yourself up to catch way more than you are fishing for. Of course the anonymity of the internet brings out the worst in some, but you also set yourself up to be fact checked by someone that is quite a bit more informed than yourself!

I would take this one step further and say that maybe politicians should keep their political opinions off of social media as well, but really that wouldn’t be fair. Facebook, twitter and many other sites are great for getting business, but I’m a firm believer that you will do much better on these sites if you simply sell yourself…not an item. If people see you as the voice of say, used cars, then when someone wants a car they will think of you. You will be the go-to person and the voice of reason instead of someone begging (maybe not the best choice of words) for a sale. But either way, once you brand yourself, you better know your stuff and be prepared to defend your opinions.

Below is a quote that I copied directly off of the Facebook page of a local newspaper. I won’t name the person responsible for the quote (or discuss the credibility issues of a newspaper on FB), but I will say that it is a local politician’s opinion of the perceived threat caused by a local case of flesh eating bacteria.

“… As a father, I dont think I'll let my daughter get in Lake Sinclair right this minute - but mass panic is never a good idea. The CDC, DNR, Law Enforcement and the Medical community are not suggesting to avoid the lake - and until they do, the best thing we as a community can do - is go about our recreational holiday activities as usual. Lake Sinclair brings guests/tourists and unless the experts say otherwise, we should continue to promote one of our biggest assets

Maybe it’s just me, but did this statement “say” anything? If it did say anything it said I’m going to panic, but you shouldn’t; we don’t need mass panic so one at a time please. Or maybe it says that locals shouldn’t swim (too risky), but it should be okay for out-of-towners and THEIR kids. What this statement says is that I have your best interest in mind…no matter what this interest may be. Change your mind and will declare that I changed mine too; this is a poster statement for political ambiguity.

Statements with this obvious level of ambiguity not only hurt the creditability of this man, they harm all politicians. It makes me want to take the comments of even my favorite elected officials and run them through a fine-tooth comb. But I also think this highlights the danger of discussing serious business on social media. Would you want your doctor to diagnose your illness while sitting by the pool choking down margarita number six? “Cool! I just got a PM on Facebook from my lawyer telling me to plead guilty.” I don’t think so!

When we blur these lines accountability goes out the window. If you choose to use these sites for official opinions…then at least be sure you give one!

Suburban Conversion

Five years ago, in the middle of the real estate boom, I decided to sell my country home and move to the suburbs.

 I could say that I wanted to be closer to town because my daughter was getting older and more socially active, but honestly my wife and I just like to move. Trading eighty acres of paid for property may seem strange to some, but we made a lot of money on the sale and built a beautiful home much closer town. Well I never dreamed real estate values would tank as they have; change of plans. In the back of my mind I thought I would live in town for a few years, sell for a healthy profit and move again. We may move again, but it probably won’t be in a few years.

I have to admit that I love my new home. We are close to everything and the neighbors are nice. It took me a few years to shake the feeling that I was on public display when I mowed my lawn, but it doesn’t bother me anymore. My neighbors have really nice landscaping and I have worked very hard to make my yard look as tended as theirs. But what do you really get out of landscaping and grass cutting? It’s kind of like vacuuming; it looks nice when you do it, but it really has no value. Somewhere deep down I still possessed the primal urge to plant something to eat!

This is when I began what I like to call my “suburban conversion”. If I’m going to weed, prune and water why not do so to edible plants? By now you are probably envisioning the HOA busting neighbor that plows his front yard and fences it with hog wire; aluminum pie plates dangling from strings on metal posts surrounding a decomposing scarecrow clad in a flannel shirt. Five gallon buckets, barking dogs and shovels with broken handles overflowing the open and spidery garage? Well that is country life, and while it is kind of fun, it’s a good way to get ignored when you walk to the mailbox if you live in the suburbs!

So let's just say that this idea requires a little tact. Naturally the back yard is the ideal location for a vegetable garden, but one of the first rules of gardening is - you’ve got to plant where the sun is; in my case the front yard.  Personally I think the bright orange blooms of a zucchini plant are beautiful, but town folk are more accustomed to irises and azaleas. 

Pleasing the neighborhood was one thing, but keeping the roving band of starving goats, commonly referred to as deer, at bay proved to be the greatest task. In the country I planted for deer, but in town I planted for the DAMN deer. What they don’t eat they destroy, and this left only one option; an electric fence. Okay, I know you’re thinking dangling pie plates and Lifebouy soap again, but stay with me.

I think it is turning out just fine! It will take a little while for the new soil to be healthy enough to support a thriving garden, but I hope to have some produce in the process. Tomatoes, peppers, zucchini, cucumbers, Swiss Chard and more!

I don’t hold on to the notion that I will set myself free from the grocery store; I have tolerate neighbors, but I feel sure they would draw the line on a hog pen. But we are having lots of fun (and feeling a little more like our old selves) with our “Suburban Conversion”!

Any Questions?

I really thought she was beginning to look like her old self and I told her so. Four days in the hospital with their random late night vitals checks and pain level quizzes is enough to beat anybody down, but throw in a newborn baby to take care of at the same time and it’s almost too much to handle! Hopefully we would be going home tomorrow; everything should be much easier to handle once we were surrounded by our “stuff”. Honestly I didn’t understand how she could look as good as she did because I’d been sleeping in a chair next to her (without recovering from surgery) all week and I was exhausted.

I decided to walk to the cafeteria downstairs and eat breakfast... and maybe think a little bit. My wife had to be getting tired of my hovering over her twenty four hours a day, and I really needed to come up with a plan to eventually go back to work. How could I ever resume my normal life now that I had a wife AND a baby to take care of? I told her I would be back in a few minutes, kissed her cheek, and headed for the door. Before I could grasp the knob, the door flew open and a nurse wheeled the baby and loaded cart inside the room. “Good morning” the nurse said “I thought I’d show ya’ll a few things if you have a minute”. Now that was a good one, we weren’t going anywhere. As I looked at the too small baby in the cart I thought I might never eat breakfast again.

Well the nurse went through her spiel of taking care of the navel scab, head cradling tip, changing the diaper, training to breastfeed, burping after feeding, mixing the formula, and saving for college in about four seconds. She then held our six pound alien up like a trophy and calmly asked “Any questions?” Other than “could you start over, write all of that down for me and come to my house every morning?” I can’t think of any, thanks.

I have to say that the nurses at the hospital were great. I’ve always considered myself owning a better than average poker face, but with all of the confusion with the baby I couldn’t seem to remember how to make one. The nurse gave us both a knowing look and said “maybe I should change the diaper and treat the scab now, it’s probably about time”. She went through the entire process very slow and methodically so we could watch and did her best to make it look easy. When she finished, she once again asked if we had any questions before quietly slipping out the door.

Okay, this was really the first time we had been alone with our baby and it was beginning to seem a little too real. Surely they weren’t going to send us home un-trained and un-tested to take care of something so small and fragile; the doctor would obviously be by later with the manual of handling and care instructions…relax! I looked at my wife and for probably the first time ever I couldn’t think of anything to say; nothing.  She looked at me, then she looked at the baby that was just lying there in the bassinet and said “What time is your mother coming this morning?”

Well that was fifteen years ago this month and my little “alien” finished her first year of high school last week. I guess you all know that the doctor never produced a manual; turns out they don’t have one. We felt like an unusual case; we were both thirty five and had never held a real baby, but I don’t think we were really that unusual. I’m sure all parents of a newborn feel this way and I now find it almost silly watching new parents try so hard to be perfect. With normal care and attentive parents the baby will teach you all you need to know about the care they need. I tell myself this every day as I have now become the parent of a teenager; an almost grown alien.  And just in case you wondered, there is no manual for this either…I checked!

Green as a gourd

I was reading an article this week that offered tips on “going green”. Of course I know what the phrase is meant to imply, but if you are anywhere near as old as me the old meaning still pops in your mind. “green as a gourd”, a “green-broke” horse, a little “too green for the job” and “keep that fish away from the boat, he’s too green to land”. The old meaning being that something is not quite ready for its intended purpose. I often think that the phrase “going green” is still just a little bit too green to use.

If you get bored, Google “how many shades of green are there”. The answers will run from one million to infinite; so what they imply is to make your own guess. But for the sake of argument let’s just say there are too many to list. This could also be said for the current green movement…the green wave. I think we all know that green in this sense means environmentally conscious, but just how vague a term is this? How does one quantify green? Companies marketing anything from laundry detergent to car tires seem to have no problem advertising that they are “certified green” so maybe we should ask them.

So let’s make this easy and state that green is simply a state of mind; a thought pattern. If you choose to suffer with it and take the role of activist, as an American, this is your right. But this does not necessarily make your neighbor wrong. You have two recycling bins and he has one…are you greener? Maybe not; he could be using less packaging; he could be keeping things until they just won’t work anymore; he could be composting…he could be greener than you! I use this example to show that being green is not necessarily doing everything; it is simply doing what you can. Thinking green.

I’m not saying that a little guilt is a bad thing; it can be good if it motivates you. But don’t beat yourself up! A little here and a little there can make a big difference and be fun at the same time. Obsessions will fade, but changing one’s habits slowly can create a pattern that will last a lifetime. I like to think of myself as somewhere between laurel and fern, with emerald as my goal!

Food, shelter and love

It’s been almost three weeks now since we adopted our new dog from Animal Rescue Foundation. I know that she is still settling in and getting used to us after living most of her previous life at ARF, but I think we have come a long way in such a short time. I don’t mean to suggest that we are finished with the learning curve, but I would like to highlight a few things that we’ve already learned. I should mention that when I say learning, I mean both the dog and the family.

My wife and I have never been without a dog in our 25 years of living together. The six months we spent after our last dog died was a record for us. We wanted another immediately, but told ourselves we would just kind of circle in a holding pattern until something dropped in our lap. For me it seemed like something I was doing out of respect for my deceased friend; the quicker I replaced him, the more replaceable it would make him appear. This highlights my first lesson: Every dog is different; the new one will not step in and “be” the old one and you should not expect him to be. I think in the long run you will love him more for his differences anyway.

The second lesson we learned is one that I know tests the limits of most everyone’s patience, using the bathroom in the house. The first few days were flawless; no accidents at all! But after a week or so we noticed that her stomach was rumbling and she had no predictable pattern of using the bathroom. I realize now that she was holding everything in and only going when she couldn’t hold it any longer. She was both nervous and trying to please us at the same time. Nobody that expects a second date excuses themselves to go take a crap in the middle of the first date! By giving her a too much freedom and responsibility we were setting her up to fail! Sit and stay are common commands, mind reading is not. When they begin to feel comfortable and secure you can branch out from there; consistency is the true spice of life.

As she has become more comfortable with us we have allowed her more freedom. We kept her on a leash constantly for the first couple of weeks, but have now started to let her play fetch and run around the yard freely when we are all outside. We live on a dead end street where the traffic is light and she has done a good job of not straying too far. But this week when I let her explore the woods behind the house she gave me a big surprise. She located a large pile of deer droppings and in less than two seconds coated her neck and back with the most disgusting smell one can imagine. Of course I patted myself on the shoulder for getting a white dog (shows dirt easily) while I was hosing her down in the backyard, but this brings up another point: expect them to be 100% dog! My old dog would never have done this, but he also had 11+ years of practice knowing what I expected of him.

I’m sure the lesson pile will continue to grow and I plan to remember as many as I can. Sharing my home with a creature that reasons in such a basic fashion is a lesson in itself; A lesson that I often forget.  We all want good jobs, nice cars and the trappings of a good life, but without the basic wants of a dog, food, shelter and love, none of this other stuff would do us a bit of good!

I know my rights

How many times have you walked in to a conversation and had no idea what the participants were talking about? It often starts innocently enough, but ends up making you feel like a moron. You hear friends talking about buying a new laptop, and since you recently bought one too, you decide to mention a few features of your new prized possession. The friend smiles and says “If I was spending that kind of money I would have bought an XQ37 space modulator. It has triple ported RSS feed and a user friendly interface that renders the 35 and 36 models useless. I disabled the RAM slots and added a…” Really; that is so cool but I think my ride is leaving me.

I’m not knocking anybody for what they know. I have my splinter skills and I love technical talk about them as much as the next guy, I just hate it when I wade into water that is deeper than I originally thought.  The older I get the better I am at not letting this get under my skin, and really it makes me want to know a little more about the things that are “above my pay grade”. So…I would have to say that this is good for me! But what about getting stumped by things that you think you know or things that you should know!

I thought of this last week after I had taken (and failed) an online test about American government. Some of the questions were about government history, but many were basic questions about The Constitution and its Amendments; basic rights and freedoms that we live (and enjoy) every day. I’m from a rural area so I know what the 2^nd Amendment is, and I’ve watched enough cop shows to understand “taking the 5^th”, but beyond that what do I really know about the Constitution and inner workings of my government! The answer is not as much as I thought! (Don’t tell my wife I said this) Not as much as I thought, yet I brag on my rights and compare them to other countries regularly. Off the top of your head, what is the very first amendment? Taking the 5th?

Think about the last time you were buying a car. I’m sure you looked online and read up on all the details you could find about the choices available. You sought the advice of friends and family and tried to make sure you made the most informed decision possible…right? You did this so a salesman just looking to make a sale couldn’t take advantage of you. You wanted to be sure you knew your options and your rights; you wanted to appear as though you knew what you were talking about! Well, maybe we should all apply this car buying example to the country we know and love! Knowledge is power.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_amendments_to_the_United_States_Constitution

I think we'll make it

I was involved in a conversation yesterday that reminded me of a book I read a few months back. I would have trouble going into great detail about the plot or story line because I’ve read another twenty five or so since then, but the part I was reminded of yesterday was a very small and unimportant section anyway. Below is the condensed version, see what you think.

The book was about a young couple with two little boys that had moved from a small town in the Northeast to the big city of Boston Massachusetts. They were in the process of having a home built in a suburban area, but were temporarily living in an apartment in the heart of the city. They had arrived right around Christmastime and enjoyed the holiday with friends and family already living in the area, but were anxious for their new home to be completed. The New Year holiday would soon follow, but since no family celebrations were planned the couple decided to spend it at their temporary apartment in the city.

This was a big new year; the beginning of a new century; the future. There were many rumors floating around based on some ancient prophecies about the world coming to an end on this date so many families decided to stay home, and most made no plans at all. Being so new to the large city with its crime, varied religions and large population of foreigners, the couple decided to stay home and not risk a public New Year’s celebration. They were told many parts of the city had lately become very dangerous and that the criminal element would be “out and about” on this popular holiday. They were beginning to wonder what they had gotten themselves in to by moving to this large and modern city.

Well they made it through the night exhausted but unscathed. From their 14^th floor apartment they had heard revelers celebrate the New Year until the wee hours of the morning. Fireworks, gunshots, breaking glass, police whistles and even an occasional scream made sleep nearly impossible, but daylight brought forth quiet and empty streets; no damage beyond broken liquor bottles and scattered trash. As scary as the night had been, at least the predictions of Armageddon had not come to pass; but what a horrible city filled with such an intoxicated and nasty bunch! What had the world come to?

The husband decided to help his wife prepare breakfast for the boys; maybe this would start the day off under a better light. Judging by the look on her face he was beginning to think that she was no longer fond of his decision to move to the city and he silently kicked himself for not planning the move until after the holidays had passed. They would be alright he thought, but what about their two young and impressionable boys? Growing up in such a mean and modern world how could he have any hope that they would turn out to be as polite and well-mannered as children from his generation were expected to be? Well it was too late for those thoughts now, they had come this far and the husband was determined to make it work! He turned off the stove, dropped to one knee and grasped his nervous wife’s hand. “We’re going to make this work honey” the husband pleaded “I promise to always take care of you and the boys…oh, and Happy New Year! Can you believe it’s actually 1900?

When you have decided that the world is “going to hell in a hand basket” just remember that that basket has been around for a very long time! They made it in the mean world way back then…I think we’ll make it too!