Understanding

In the “self-help” world we live in today, it can be confusing to know who we are and what we really want. Book stores are flooded with written advice on how to accomplish the most obscure tasks, and even my daily internet news feeds post success stories about things that I honestly have trouble qualifying as positive…much less successful. I understand that most of this is simply advice, but it often leaves me feeling like I’m the only person out there who is not obsessed with losing weight or erectile dysfunction! I want to re-grow hair, and now I can do so like a “pro”!

But as complicated as this all sounds, I truly believe that we are all searching for one basic thing. We seek to be understood. This quest is further complicated by the notion that we are all more complicated beings than our predecessors. Really? Of course; I’m the new Andrew 2.0! Throw in the fact that with one click I can find thousands that seem to agree with me and I’m now really on to something. I should write a book!

Of course there is good advice out there. We are, if anything, a more open society and few topics remain taboo. But have we traded our skills to convince and persuade others with simply lining up a posse of internet followers? This hit me hard a few months back when I ended up in (what could have been) a huge argument with my eighteen year-old daughter. It started innocently with her response to my commentary following a story on the morning news. Maybe I didn’t realize that I was looking for a “hell yeah!”, but when I didn’t get one, I got mad. How could she be so stupid?

Luckily this argument began when we were both rushed for time. We stepped away from the altercation with our typical “have a good day” and “be careful on the road”, but I feel sure that the disagreement still bothered us both. Okay, I’m sure that it still bothered me. But the longer I thought about this, the less sure I became of my resolve. I was still as sure of my views on the news story as I was a few minutes before, but my thoughts on her understanding changed completely. I realized that I had placed the burden of her understanding me on the wrong person. This was not her responsibility, it was mine. If you want to be understood, the ball is in your court.