Taylor

It had been a good holiday. We just relaxed and layed around enjoying a day with nothing to do. A holiday with no gifts or travel, a lazy day. I decided to make macaroni and cheese for supper because it is Taylor's favorite. I know this is probably every other ten year old's favorite, but she really hadn't been interested in food much lately so I thought it a good choice. She was getting so skinny!

Well supper was almost ready and when PJ went to tell Taylor to come eat, she was asleep again. She had been dozing off and on all day. She popped up when her favorite dish was mentioned and came to the table. That is when PJ said "Before you eat I want to test your blood sugar". Taylor knew from watching her diabetic mother that this involved pricking her finger to draw some blood and she was horrified. "No, I'm fine. Please don't do this". It's a small prick, but to Taylor it was like having surgery. She had only had a few vaccinations at this point and had never really been to the doctor much at all. A healthy girl.

Well we tested her blood sugar that evening three years ago and her life was changed forever. This didn't happen overnight, there were warning signs. Excessive thirst and weight loss mainly, but really she had just lost her desire to do anything. We silently chalked it up to being an "almost" teenager, but I think we both knew. The final straw was, while visiting PJ's parents one evening, my mother-in-law said, "that child just drank her fifth glass of water, you need to have her tested". Even with an outside opinion it took us a while to test. To give it a name.

I try not to think of the irony of my daughter losing so much of her freedom on a holiday in honor of a man that was all about freedom. To be reminded every year on this holiday that she can only be so far from her medicine. To forever drag the ball and chain that is Diabetes. She carries this load while I, as her parent, stand by and watch. Unable to say "Let me carry that for you baby", or "We wont worry about that today", or any of the other things a parent would say to lighten the load for their children. I am an outsider.

But this girl is my hero. I would be foolish to think that she doesn't wake up some mornings and want to give up. I did at thirteen with a normal, healthy body. But she rolls with it. She plans for it. Diabetes slows her down, but it doesn't define her. There is no other girl like her and she is amazing. I know that every parent says the same about their children, but when I grow up I want to be just like her.

Work

Beer tastes as good at 10:00 am as it does at 5:00 pm. No surprises there. Food is exciting and as good at relieving boredom as a check in the mailbox. And a nap? Well, a perfectly timed mid day nap can make you feel like a millionaire. But these are luxuries that us working people only enjoy when we are on vacation or off for a holiday. Things we treat ourselves with when the work is done, enjoying the carrot that once dangled from the stick. We all sit at our desks or drive the big truck dreaming of doing something else. Something we want to do. Something fun.

So is this what you would do if you won the lottery? If that rich uncle you never knew you had died and left you a fortune, would this stuff still be fun? Probably for awhile. Every time I have been asked what the first thing I would do if I won the lottery was, I answer "admit myself to the Betty Ford clinic". It always gets a laugh, but really you would have to be pretty sure of yourself if you woke up one morning and never had to work again. Because as fun as it sounds, napping through Oprah drunk, weighing 400 pounds would not be fun. Not for long anyway.

I'm not saying that I would not want to win the lottery. I'd be willing to give it a try. People retire everyday and make themselves useful and happy. They do things they have wanted to for most of their life. Now they have time! Some start a new business and work harder than they did before they retired. They do this because they are finally doing something they want to do. They have planned for it.

As I sit here looking out the window on a cold, rainy January morning I wish I were somewhere else. Doing something fun in the sunshine. Somewhere warm with beer and an ocean involved. But this is just a dream and it will have to wait because I have to work. But the idea keeps me going. The want makes me save my money and vacation time. The desire makes me plan for the future. It makes me dream. So I ask the question, "Is it better to love your job and work too much, or tolerate it and hurry to finish"? The dream of the winning lottery ticket probably makes you happier than owning it! If you held it in your hand where would your dreams go? Away? Work to live, but live to dream.

New Year's Resolution

I watched a movie last night that was set in Civil War times. It was, of course, just fiction meant for entertainment, but it was gripping. The setting was dark and cold and overwhelmingly painful. Back then even the smallest wound might cause death. Medicine was very primitive and infection might kill you even if you survived the initial wound. Take off a limb to save your life and die a few days later because it wont heal. Scary. We've come so far.

But the real impression I was left with from this movie was man's inhumanity to man. People killing each other just to hear the sound of the gun or the clink of the sword. Itchy trigger fingers. I know that in Civil war times living only a few miles from a friend or family member could make you a member of a rival team, and many people had to draw an imaginary line in the sand and kill those on the other side of it. Brother against brother. Death.

So why are we told that today's children are meaner. We don't look any meaner. Why are we stunned when a "gang member" shoots a convience clerk. "They just seemed to have no value for human life" the witness tells the television camera. "Animals." This wouldn't have happened in my day, I don't know what the world is coming to.

Well I say we are no meaner than we've ever been. We've acted like this for centuries. We are just visible. Not very long ago at all we came to America to be free, but enslaved a group of people that looked a little different to do the real work. And yes, we killed them if they got out of line. Imagine, if you can, the Sixty Minutes news crew at a cotton plantation in the 1800's. The shocking interviews you would see every night for weeks. Rape, murder, theft. It would make modern tragedies look like a soccer game. We would look like animals. We would eat dinner in front of the television and wonder what the world is coming to.

So as we make our New Year's resolutions to drop those five extra pounds or not have that drink after work everyday, as we declare to spend more time with or families and less time at work let's think about what is really important. Tolerance. How we treat each other. How we want to be treated. The value in us all. Happy New Year.