Relentless

Most of the people who have known me for any length of time understand that you never know what I might say next. My little brother always told me that I wasn't necessarily funny, I was just relentless. Just wear em' down. Go for quantity not quality. Maybe, but really I just love to talk. Believe it or not, I do recognize that glazed over look others give me when they are tuning me out, and while it does deter me, it wont stop me. Maybe I am relentless.
According to my parents I "came out talking". I know what they mean, but it's a scary image if you really think about it. As a little baby I told a stranger in the grocery store to " put it back in the sack" when she touched something in our buggy. That must have been weird because the stunned lady turned and walked away. I imagine she looked over her shoulder a time or two because a talking baby is horror movie material, second only to a talking doll. But I had things to say. Still do.
My parents were as tolerate as could be expected. I realize now why they encouraged me to read so much. It was one of the few times my mouth wasn't moving and I was still. Because along with lots to say, I was what old people called "busy". The antiquated version of hyper! Luckily my folks chose not to medicate me. It was popular at the time, but I think their was some fine tuning still to be done on those drugs. Probably still is. But I also realize now that nobody asked me very many questions. If I was not already speaking, why start me up? Just enjoy the peace and quiet because it wont last.
But I love conversation. Always have. As a baby my daughter was the same way. She was ready to communicate! I don't know the real truth about how early I did start talking, but I remember when she did. She started off babbling when she was 5-6 months old and graduated to conversations before she could walk. She either had a lot to say, or was simply trying to get a word in edgewise. Hard to say. But I do know that conversation is contagious. When we get out of the car at home we are greeted by a dog that gives us a 10-12 syllable welcome home. The longer we have been gone, the longer the greeting! I guess he has no one to talk to while we're away.
The biggest problem with talking so much is that you become very familiar with the taste of your own foot. The odds of your saying the wrong thing are greatly increased. I had a friend that was murdered several years ago in Alabama. He had been at my house in Georgia the day before and I was one of the last people to see him alive. The local detectivies had bogged down on solving the case and called me to see if I could offer any tidbit that would help find some answers. They decided to come to Georgia and interview several people that knew the victim. This was fine with me and I was really hoping I could help. When they showed up a few days later and got out of the car in front of my office I was shocked to discover that there were five of them. Hadn't counted on this and I was unsure how I would fit them in my tiny office. It kind of made me nervous as well. As it turned out only one man spoke. The other four took notes and basically just glared at me. No smile, no frown, no emotion whatsoever. Now I was really nervous.
Well I made it through the "interview" without crapping my pants, but I was rambling on like a talk show host. I walked them to their car and while they were handing me business cards and finally making small talk I asked them where exactly the body was found. They told me the location and I said....."huh, my brother lives a few miles from there". There goes the foot!
Well they left anyway, but not before they looked at each other and back at me for a few seconds then shook their heads, eyebrows raised. I was so glad when they finally got in the car and drove away. To this day I think they felt sorry for me. Why in the hell I added that little bit of information (that amounted to nothing) at the end of the interview still puzzles me. I guess I am relentless.

Looking Back

Last night my daughter and I watched "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer". The 1964 claymation classic that for me has always dropped the green flag for the Christmas season. This year network television chose to air it on November 30, which seems way too early, but that is another topic. I don't remember the first time it aired because I was two years old, and even if I could have understood it then, we probably didn't have a television anyway. I don't think I knew it was in color until sometime in the 70s. But it is a classic. Let the games begin!

Watching it with an almost 14 year old is somewhat of a challenge. A teenager. The time when you adjust to the idea of Santa. The time to go from anticipation to reflection. Logic. A 300lb man and a chimmney don't add up. When the whole family participates in the wink that follows the leaving of cookies and milk for the delivery man. Playing the game that keeps the spirit alive.

I remember a certain Christmas when I was about 6-8 years old. My daddy told us in great detail Christmas morning how he had gotten up in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve because he had heard a strange noise. "Something scratching on the roof" he said, and he had to check it out. When he came down the hallway he noticed a large man in the living room dressed in red. He said it scared him for a few minutes before the man turned to look at him and he realized it was Santa! "What did he say? What did he look like? Did you see the reindeer? Why didn't you wake me up? Why, why, why" A million questions from all three boys. Daddy had actually seen Santa. Wait till I tell my friends.

Well my friends didn't really seem that excited, and they had similiar "Santa encounter"stories of their own. But I thought of this for years. I carried it with me until I came to that gray peroid of decision. The time when common sense and want collided. Why had they tricked me? Why not just give me some presents and take full credit? What about the toothfairy? The easter bunny? This was getting tough. While my friends told me that they knew all along there was no Santa, my parents still said there was. Better go with the home version...just to be on the safe side.

That was a long time ago. Many Christmas' past. And yes, it is tough at times to watch a Christmas classic with a 14 year old, but as we sat there and watched them I still remembered when she was finally old enough for me to tell her about her grandfather's Santa encounter. The scratching on the roof and the man in the red suit slipping quietly through our living room some forty years ago. How he had eaten the cookies and tasted the milk and how the carrots we left for the reindeer had the strangest teeth marks and how the were mysterious drag marks on the roof and in the yard and how the dog never barked and how......and the look on her face tells me all I need to know. It tells me why my parents told me the stories and why she will tell her children them too. Why they will believe for years....just to be on the safe side.

Myth buster

When I was a kid there was nothing I loved more than swimming. A lake, an ocean or a pool, it didn't matter. Well I did prefer a pool really because a muddy lake bottom or curious sea creature did take a little of the fun out of it, but it was still swimming. I could swim all day with only food and sugar loaded drinks as fuel. But I'm sure that everyone my age remembers the swimming and food rule. "You have to wait 30 minutes for your food to digest before you can go back in." The parent, or adult in charge would tell us. "You don't want to catch a cramp. You'll sink like a rock." We all heard it. We all hated it. And though none of us knew anyone that had sunk to the bottom from a meal of hot dogs and potato chips, we had to obey. None of us had a watch, so we were at the adult's mercy to let us know when the time was up. Thirty minutes was a long time back then.

You don't hear this rule much anymore. I think I even read on the internet that not only is it not true, but really it is probably good for you to go back in the water and burn off those calories immediately. What I now know as a parent is that the 30 minutes of food digestion time was actually 30 minutes of parental rest time. While I could swim all day, my parents couldn't (or wouldn't) supervise all day. I knew it was a trick, I just couldn't prove it! Kids have all the answers at their fingertips today, and a computer or even a smart phone can make you look like a stupid parent. The internet ruins a perfectly good excuse again! When your kid's favorite show is Myth Busters, you better watch out.

Crap is king

You are sitting on the edge of the bed watching your wife get dressed for the party. You have been ready for an hour a she is almost ready. You are already thirty minutes late. She walks in the room, stands in front of you and asks the dreaded question. "Do these pants make my butt look big?" Hell yeah, you look like a circus bear! Can we just go now! What do you think? You are not going anywhere now. Well this is not really going to happen anywhere, It is an old joke. But what if it is the truth? Should that make you tell her? She is entitled to the truth. Of course not. It is not the right time.

There is a time and a place for everything. Having been married (to the same woman I might add) for over 20 years I could give the newbies some tips, but that is for another day. What bothers me is that as 21st century people we seem to think that we are entitled to know the absolute truth and complete story about everything. News is on twenty fours a day and a click of the mouse will instantly tell you the story, give you the images and help you with an opinion on any current topic. This is a monumental leap from the weekly smoke signals from not too awful long ago. But with this there is a cost. It has happened so quickly that we forgot to draft a code of ethics. I don't want "sugar-coating", I just want responsibility. I don't think we have any more rapists and murders than we used to, just more news coverage of where they are. Is this a good thing? I'm not sure.

The accused soldiers...did I mention accused...ok. The story about the soldiers accused of killing Afgan civilians that was on CBS news last night is a good example. Who thought that was a good idea. We are hated around the world so why dont we parade an accused criminal across the screen as an example of what we represent in our war effort. Because it sells more soap. Crap is king. What CBS (and I'm sure other networks) did was unexcusable. Guilty until proven innocent.

When I was in boot camp my company commander told me that one of the reasons my uniform, conduct and just general military bearing were important even when he was not around was because I represented him. You don't have to be military to understand this. You don't want your daughter to wear a mini skirt and a tube top to school because your friends will look at her and think of you. She represents your household. Well I hate to tell you that the national media represents you and I both in the eyes of the rest of the world. We used to ride horses and rope cows while singing from the saddle, and now we burn Korans and kill foreign civilians. Sterotyping, as we all know, is wrong.

In my mind this issue has nothing to do with politics. We, as a country, are a team. We get a new coach and quarterback every few years, but we are still the same team. The rest of the world sees us as such. I bet you couldn't find an Afgani that has ever heard of Nancy Pelosi. We can fight as hard as we want to amongst ourselves, and back seat drive, but to the rest of the world we must at least give the illusion of a united front. A team. The fire is burning just fine, let's not throw more gas on it.

You may not have a family member in the military but if you have a son or daughter at college they are in danger. If you decide to go to New York to look at Christmas lights you are in danger. How long before this threat moves to small town America? War, for most people, is "something you can't see from my house". Theory. A chess game. Those that have loved ones in harms way can certainly see it from their house. When you allow the rest of the world to assume we, as Americans, are like the criminals displayed on the news we will have real problems. The "information age" has to develop a concious.

Fall

Everybody loves fall. Football season, holiday parties and cooler weather. I heard somebody say this morning "man it went from summer straight to winter, it's gonna be 30 degrees tonight!" Maybe for a couple of days, yeah, but here in the south it will warm back up. I've sat outside with short sleeves on at many a Christmas party, it's one of the reasons I like living here. The seasons change.

But one thing that changes is the pace in which everyone moves around. We all start acting like people from the north (Atlanta and above) moving quickly everywhere we go. But down here we also smile more. The cool air is like a private joke that only we get. A tease. Could just be the Christmas spirit that retailers now think we need before Halloween, but people seem nicer. I guess the heat just "wipes that smile right off your face". But really it is just that the season is changing.

January comes along, then Febuary, and we start wondering when it will ever warm up. It wont be any colder than it is now, we just want it to change. I have never lived in an area without seasons. Seems like paradise when you're sitting in a warm house and looking at barren trees and dreary skies, but I bet it's dull. You never put your summer clothes away and get out your long sleeves. You may not like winter clothes but everyone has a favorite jacket. Get out your "Lucky Shirts" . You can build a fire outside a sit as close as you can to it without smelling burning hair. When you smell something burning you simply turn around and heat the other side. You change sides.

This all sounds really good today. Taylor and I bought some new LED Christmas lights yesterday at Lowes. We Looked at all the artificial Christmas trees and decorations and got excited! Gonna turn the gas logs on tonight and cook something good for supper. We bought the makings for a pumpkin pie to bake and we might even build a fire in the backyard firepit. Enjoy some fall activities! This all sounds like an exciting night to me. We will probably have evenings similiar to this from now through the new year. But I know that very soon I will be ready for a change!

Timing

A sizeable argument with a Facebook friend about an ammendment that failed to pass in the last election has really made me think about a few things. I know that which hand you use to vote with makes a huge difference in how you vote, but there are just plain old common since issues too. Many people let their party decide for them how to vote and leave it at that. Others read each ammendment and vote for it on it's merit alone. Personally the language in these proposed ideas scares me to death. "Shall the state constitution be ammended to....Hard to swallow for me, and hard to go back from.

But really how could now be the time to ask taxpayers to pay for anything extra? Is it a good idea to pay an extra $10 for your car tag with an unemployment check? That is like buying a Walmart gift card with a credit card. We all do it but it feels weird! What about the small business owner with a fleet of delivery trucks? Not a stretch to say that maybe somebody would either lose their job or at least lose some hours. This is not an issue for the right or the left, this is about timing. It's a bad time to ask anybody to give more money. I was told that the people that voted no on this issue were "tightwads".

Seven hundred lives a year would be saved. This is great! I am all for saving lives. I remember years ago when the speed limit was lowered to 55. Everybody hated it, but we agreed because of how many lives would be saved. How much did this cost? Well, it wasn't free because we had to make up new road signs, but I don't think it cost $80 million. We lowered the limit for driving under the influence. Made it illegal to have an open container in a vehicle. Construction workers hated it! You mean I can't have a beer on the ride home with my buddies? Unfair. Well we passed these rules anyway. Saved a lot of lives I'm sure. How much did this cost? Well it wasn't free because we had to beef up law enforcement to cover the new laws, but probably less than $80 million.

See what you can do without asking the tax payers for more money? Wait until times are better and ask again. We can't give what we don't have. Don't call me a loser because you won the game and don't call me a tightwad when I'm broke! When money is tight you don't vacation in the Carribean, you go on a picnic in the park. You have to eat anyway. Use what you have.

All Boy

Growing up with two brothers I could never have been accused of not being being all boy. I got my first stiches when I was five years old. In the head of course, but from this I learned to always face the direction in which you are running. Didn't make that mistake again though I did end up with enough stiches in other places to sew a leather jacket. Attractive when you get older.

I learned that horses should come with a saddle AND a helment from a private rodeo some neighborhood kids and I had. Came out of that one with a concussion and some hoofprints on my chest, but I did learn to speak a little horse language that has since come in handy. When you sit on a horse's back and he turns his head to look at you it means "I'm fixin to kill you". You simply slide off his back and do something else. I usually thank the horse for the warning and tell him "sorry, I didn't know". They don't seem to hold a grudge.

There were countless other lessons I learned along the way. Basketball and new shoes don't mix, three wheelers will cut a nice donut, but not with you still on it and on and never jump up and attempt pull a garage door down unless you are absolutely sure it is disengaged. All of these involved either lots of blood or broken bones and the hurt quite a lot! I have always considered myself a quick learner because once was enough for everything mentioned so far.

But tonight as I sit here and write this I have to say that there is no pain worse than a bad back. I do know this time what caused my back to "go out", but for me it often happens without warning. Go to bed at night feeling fine and wake up in a fetal position. Standing still you feel fine, but move an inch to the right or left and you have to hold your breath. Sneeze and you will pass out. You walk around in an awkward stance that looks like you have something stuck in your butt. Usually it only lasts a day or two and I'm as good as new. Toady is day two.

I wish I could tell you that the doctor says that what I suffer from is minor and it will just run it's course, but of course I have never gone to the doctor when my back is out. Like a pimple I just let it clear up on it's on. But the psychological part of a bad back is the worst. Maybe this time it wont fix itself. Maybe I'll be stuck like this forever! I look fine but I can't tie my own shoes. Instant old man. I have decided tonight that if you can't put on your own shoes, then maybe you don't need shoes! I have learned the reason they make tennis shoes with velcro closures...I wish I had some!